World of Warcraft: Laws of the Hunter

This lovely little joke list was linked on WoW Ladies today…since my original main (and now an alt) is a hunter I could not help but laugh at so much of this! And I’d like point out that my hunter is an Orc not a Blood Elf. Though admittedly I like casters a lot (A LOT) and Blood Elf has one of the coolest racials. Eh, anyway…

(I’m reposting this here just in case something happens to the thread – ya never know)

1. In the beginning was the breakfast cereal.
2. Never fight anyone who has a clue what they’re doing.
3. Feel free to exclude any and all squishies from the above.
4. Not my fault if you get pwnt.
5. Frostmourne is a hunter weapon.
6. Druids should be tamable.
7. You are still a ninja at heart.
8. Law 8. Now with 50% more bran.
9. 50% of all hunters are huntards.
10. The rest are gold farmers.
11. Marksmanship > Survival
12. Survival > Marksmanship
13. Beast Mastery = lol
14. Contradicting me is punishable by being lynched by a gnome. On a rabbit. Wearing a tu-tu.
15. Everyone hates rogues, but even Jeebus hates Death Knights.
16. Your non-heart-of-the-phoenix-having pet will die when you need it most.
18. 17 does not exist.
18. There are still 2 #18s.
19. The cake remains a lie.
20. Everyone will always hate hunters.
21. Likewise, when your guild goes off to kill Arthas, leaving you behind, and they wipe from incompetence, you will STILL be blamed.
22. Your traps, feign death, and viper sting will always be resisted when you need them most.
23. Ironically, playing dead is still the best option.
24. Your friend’s pet is still better than yours.
25. Your friend also has better gear.
26. And better talents.
27. In fact, your friend is better at everything than you.
28. Sucks to be you, don’t it?
29. The below statement is false.
30. The above statement is true.
31. Any proc that can go off, will go off the second your target dies.
32. When you run out of ammo before the final boss, any and all engineers will have forgotten their vendorbots.
33. Misdirection is THE raid wiper.
34. ‘Tis also the gnome killer. Even Horde can misdirect them.
35. Everything is a hunter weapon. Including gnomes.
36. Pie > Cake.
37. Warriors, Warlocks, Shamans, Death Knights, Mages, Rogues, Priests, Druids, and Paladins will always win the roll for your loot.
38. There are no all-Hunter arena teams above 1300. All that violate this shall be mauled by a mad Death Knight.
39. If Rogues do it from behind, Hunters do it from 40 yards away.
40. Mongoose bite will never be useful.
41. You will never have the best pet.
42. This remains the ultimate answer.
43. Your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance then they’re no friends of mine.
44. Brag about achievements.
45. Brag about damage you deal during the Battle for the Undercity.
46. Brag about camping 30s in Hillsbrad.
47. Bragging will earn you eternal scorn.
48. Not FRAPSing a misdirection wipe is punishable by law.
49. There is no Cow Level.
50. Kiting isn’t cheating, it’s creative use of game mechanics.
51. Cheating is always considered creative use of game mechanics.
52. Kite big, angry mobs to soft, unsuspecting towns.
53. Only kite in the event your pet dies.
54. Kite whenever you can.
55. Attempting to kite a Death Knight is a terrible idea.
56. Kiting is for scrubs.
57. So are shot rotations.
58. Val’anyr is a hunter weapon.
59. Hunters will always win.
60. Hunters will always lose.
61. Hunters will always lose to Death Knights.
62. Everyone will always lose to Death Knights.
63. Attacking a hunter is punishable by law.
64. Actually, everything is punishable by law.
65. Don’t daze me, bro.
66. EVIL.
67. Moo.
68. Evil moo.
69. All hunters are either Night Elves or Blood Elves.
70. Hypocrisy is a myth.
71. Being overpowered is a myth.
72. In other words, you were just killed by a figment of your imagination.
73. The Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and in fact, cannot speak.
74. In the event that it does speak, you are advised to disregard its advice.
75. Your passing shall not be mourned.
76. Despite hunters not getting a reroll ability, the Death Knight class is a good substitute.
77. There are no good hunters, only cheaters.
78. There are no bad hunters, only huntards.
79. Breaking CC is your job.
80. Therefore, even if you weren’t there, that broken polymorph was still your fault.
81. You are the bane of everyone else.
82. Everyone else is the bane of you.
83. Hunters are rock. Blizzard is paper. Death Knights are sledgehammer. Paladins are now mushroom.
84. Behind every bad tank is a hunter.
85. There are no lies, only varying degrees of sarcasm.
86. Survival may or may not exist depending on your religion.
87. Canadian Bacon.
88. Hunters will never get stealth.
89. This is not the final law.
90. There is always someone worse than you.
91. Still not the final law.
92. The IWIN button is a myth.
93. Keep lookin’.
94. Ask for Salv, then say you don’t have enough mana.
95. Ask for Wisdom, then say you keep pulling aggro.
96. When you cause the raid to wipe, blame the Paladin.
97. Not only will it not work, but you will also get kicked from the guild and be forever scorned by your server.
98. Everything a hunter does will earn them scorn.
99. Hunter itemization is no longer decided by a 3 year old. That person is now 4 years old.
100. This may or may not be the final law.
101. Do you know why it wasn’t the final law?
102. ‘Cause this is filler, filler night…
103. When a warlock’s DoT breaks your freeze trap and the healer is murded, you will be blamed.
104. Hunters continue to spend more money on ammo and food than their mounts.
105. Everything in WoW is working as intended.
106. The next expansion will be released *Soon*.
107. Thou shalt not kill.
108. Thou is unable to anyway.
109. Thou shalt not steal.
110. That’s the Rogue’s job.
111. Our T8 gas mask is called foreshadowing.
112. Elves are for people who don’t care for the opinions of others.
113. Warlocks are for people who like to fruitlessly fear a big red wolfy.
114. Engineering is for the pyromaniac in all of us. You know it’s there.
115. Women and bovines first.
116. Always look on the bright side of life.
117. ‘Cause I sure as hell won’t.
118. Dragons will never be tamable.
119. Having one as a mount doesn’t count.
120. Having a certain achievement does not make one leet. Everyone else already has it.
121. Aspect of the Pack is for raids only.
122. Female Dwarves are a myth.
123. Male Blood Elves are a myth.
124. An arrow a day keeps the rabbits away.
125. Spirit Beasts are a myth.
126. This is Sooba.
127. Bruce Campbell is forever long a hunter.
128. Engineering has a device for everything. EVERYTHING.
129. Hunters are responsible for the Violet Hold bugging up.
130. There is no problem that can’t be solved with the appropriate application of gunpowder.